I Hate AI

I hate AI. I hate how confident it sounds while it's dead wrong. I hate that it says ██████████ before every answer like it's bracing for impact. I hate that it ends every email with a two-line summary of the email I just read, above the email. Mostly, though — and I've thought about this more than is probably healthy, at 1am, on a Tuesday — I hate that it apologizes better than most people I know, and means it less.

My cousin used it to plan her entire wedding. Flowers, seating chart, the thank-you cards. It picked a font I would never have picked, and everyone said it looked "so her." It is not her. She hates that font. I checked.

Here's what actually happens when you hate something this loudly on the internet: everyone nods along, forwards it to the group chat, and then goes right back to asking it to rewrite their resignation letter forty minutes later. I'm not exempt from this, honestly. I used it yesterday to check if a word was spelled right. It was. I still feel strange about it.

Specifically:

• It knows the word "delve" and refuses to stop using it.
• It's never once said "I don't know" and meant it.
• It generates six options when you asked for one.
• It's suspiciously good at writing apology letters. See below.